Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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