dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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