Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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