dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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