dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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