i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
