I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
