He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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