I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
