I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
