I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
