when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
