Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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