May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
