This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
