my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't deserve a penis
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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