I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
