Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
