i think my tv is drunk
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
