oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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