i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
