There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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