weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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