Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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