so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
