You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
