2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
