Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
