I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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