Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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