Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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