i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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