I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
