i need an iv and a liver transplant
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
