apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
