Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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