Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
