Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
