It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
