just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
