you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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