My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
