The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
