dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
