Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
