i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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