Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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