when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
