There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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