YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
