Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
