He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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